by 45057pwpadmin | Mar 10, 2025 | Uncategorized
At the risk of alienating myself and my business, as a neurodivergent therapist, advocate, and speaker, it would be remiss of me not to discuss this emerging trend. I have personally found myself in the position of being vilified and excluded. Neurodiversity-affirming practices are intended to promote inclusion, respect, and empowerment—yet within these spaces, a troubling pattern has emerged: gatekeeping.
The rise of neuro-affirming language and approaches should be a positive shift, moving us away from outdated, deficit-based models. But instead of welcoming more people into the conversation, we’re seeing self-appointed advocates and professionals policing who is “allowed” to be neuro-affirming, and the damage is real.
The Rise of Gatekeeping in Neuro-Affirming Spaces
Gatekeeping happens when individuals or groups decide they alone have the authority to define what is and isn’t neuro-affirming. Instead of fostering education, growth, and progress, it creates a culture of exclusion, shame, and ideological purity testing.
It can look like:
- Policing language and demanding rigid adherence to specific terminology without room for nuance or learning.
- Publicly shaming professionals or parents who are trying to unlearn outdated approaches.
- Dismissing neurodivergent individuals whose experiences do not align with a specific narrative.
- Labelling professionals as “harmful” or “unsafe” simply because they are in the process of evolving their practice.
- Silencing alternative perspectives—especially from those with intersecting identities (multiply disabled, non-speaking, PDA, BIPOC, LGBTQIA+).
What started as a movement for empowerment has, in some spaces, turned into a rigid, exclusionary club.
The Damage Gatekeeping Causes
While gatekeeping is often framed as “protecting” neuro-affirming practice, it does more harm than good.
It Shuts Out Professionals Who Want to Learn and Evolve
- Many professionals genuinely want to improve their understanding of neurodivergence and shift towards neuro-affirming models.
- But instead of education and mentorship, they are often met with hostility if they don’t get everything right immediately.
- This discourages learning and creates a fear-based environment where people are too afraid to ask questions.
It Creates an Echo Chamber
- Not all neurodivergent people have the same needs, experiences, or perspectives.
- Gatekeeping reinforces one dominant narrative and excludes neurodivergent individuals who do not fit within it.
- This silences important discussions and prevents the evolution of neuro-affirming practice.
It Replicates the Very Harm We Are Fighting Against
- Traditional deficit-based models have historically ignored or dismissed neurodivergent voices in favour of professional expertise.
- Now, some neuro-affirming spaces are doing the same thing—dismissing professionals who are trying to learn, or invalidating neurodivergent people who have different needs.
- Replacing one form of exclusion with another is NOT progress.
It Slows the Spread of Neuro-Affirming Approaches
- If professionals feel attacked instead of supported when they try to adopt neuro-affirming models, many will simply give up and return to old methods.
- Instead of making neuro-affirming practices more widely accessible, gatekeeping limits their reach to an insular group.
- The result? Fewer neurodivergent people get the support they need.
So, who gets to define what is truly neuro-affirming?
The answer is not a select group of self-appointed advocates or professionals.
- Lived experience should be at the centre—but lived experience is not a monolith. Different neurodivergent people will have different perspectives, needs, and approaches.
- Neuro-affirming practice should be evolving—not a static, gatekept ideology.
- Professionals, parents, and allies should be welcomed into the conversation—with a focus on education, not exclusion.
The Danger of Gatekeeping: Why We Must Do Better
If we continue down the path of gatekeeping and exclusion, we risk turning neuro-affirming practice into just another rigid, inaccessible framework—one that does not serve the diversity of the neurodivergent community.
Instead, we need to:
- Encourage open dialogue and education. Not everyone starts with perfect knowledge, and that’s okay.
- Create space for neurodivergent voices, in all their diversity. No single group or ideology should dominate the conversation.
- Support professionals, parents, and allies in their learning journeys. If we want change, we must welcome people into the process.
- Acknowledge that neuro-affirming practice is evolving. There is no one “final” version of what it should look like—it must adapt to new research, lived experiences, and the needs of the community.
- Neurodiversity-affirming practice should be about building bridges, not walls.
What’s your experience with gatekeeping in neuro-affirming spaces? Have you seen it happening? Let’s talk.
by 45057pwpadmin | Feb 18, 2025 | Uncategorized
Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain ” is a concise yet thought-provoking book that challenges many common assumptions about how the brain works. Barrett, a neuroscientist and psychologist, presents a series of short essays that dismantle popular myths and provide a more nuanced understanding of human cognition and behaviour.
Each lesson explores a fundamental concept about the brain, from its evolutionary origins to its role in constructing reality. In this post, we’ll break down each of the book’s main lessons and what they reveal about how our brains function.
Lesson 1: The Brain Is Not for Thinking
One of the most surprising ideas in Barrett’s book is that the brain’s primary purpose is not thinking, feeling, or perceiving—it is regulating the body. She describes the brain as a kind of “body-budgeting” system, constantly working to manage energy, maintain homeostasis, and predictively adjust bodily functions.
Rather than passively responding to the environment, the brain proactively regulates the body to keep it alive and functioning efficiently. This perspective reframes thinking and emotions as secondary functions that emerge from the brain’s core purpose: maintaining the body’s systems.
Lesson 2: Our Brains Are Not Unique
The human brain is often described as the pinnacle of evolution—larger, more complex, and uniquely powerful compared to other species. However, Barrett challenges this notion, arguing that our brains are not as special as we like to think.
Brains evolved in response to environmental pressures, and many of the features we consider uniquely human—such as complex social structures and communication—can also be found in other species. What sets humans apart is not the size or complexity of the brain alone, but how we use it in the context of culture and learning.
Lesson 3: Your Brain Is a Network
Rather than being divided into separate, specialised regions (as often depicted in neuroscience diagrams), the brain operates as a dynamic, interconnected network. Functions like emotion, decision-making, and perception are not localised to specific “modules” but emerge from interactions across multiple areas of the brain.
For example, the amygdala is commonly described as the “fear centre” of the brain. Still, research shows it is involved in a wide variety of functions beyond fear, including processing novelty and uncertainty. Similarly, the idea that the left hemisphere is logical while the right is creative is an oversimplification—the entire brain functions as a constantly shifting network of activity.
Lesson 4: Little Brains Wire Themselves to the World
Unlike many animals that are born with hardwired instincts, human infants have relatively underdeveloped brains that wire themselves based on experience. This plasticity allows humans to adapt to vastly different environments and cultural contexts, making learning and socialisation central to brain development.
Barrett explains that an infant’s brain is not a “blank slate” but a system that expects input from the world to shape its development. The environment plays a crucial role in determining how the brain organises itself, including everything from sensory processing to emotional regulation.
Lesson 5: Your Brain Predicts (Almost) Everything You Do
One of the most radical ideas in modern neuroscience is that the brain doesn’t passively react to the world—it predicts it. Barrett argues that perception, decision-making, and even emotions are driven by the brain’s constant predictions about what will happen next.
Instead of simply processing sensory input as it arrives, the brain is always anticipating what it expects to happen, filling in gaps and adjusting when reality doesn’t match its predictions. This explains phenomena like optical illusions, where the brain’s predictions override raw sensory data.
This predictive ability enables humans to move, think, and react quickly and effectively. Still, it also means that what we perceive is not an objective representation of reality—it’s our brain’s best guess.
Lesson 6: Your Brain Secretly Works with Other Brains
Humans are inherently social creatures, and our brains are wired to function in social contexts. Barrett explains that human survival depends not just on individual intelligence, but on our ability to coordinate and regulate each other’s bodily functions.
This idea, known as “interoception,” suggests that humans not only manage their own physical and emotional states, but also help regulate the states of others through social interaction. This is why a comforting friend can calm our nervous system or why social rejection can feel physically painful.
Lesson 7: Brains Make More Than One Kind of Mind
Barrett argues that there is no single “right” way for a brain to function—brains are shaped by culture, experience, and biology, leading to a wide range of mental and emotional experiences. There is no universal blueprint for intelligence, perception, or emotion.
For example, what is considered “rational” in one culture might be seen as illogical in another. The way people think, feel, and behave is heavily influenced by the society in which they are part. This means that our understanding of the mind must be flexible enough to account for these variations.
The Half Lesson: Our Brains Can Be Shaped for the Better
In the final “half lesson,” Barrett reminds us that because our brains are so flexible, we have the power to shape them through our habits, environments, and social interactions.
Understanding how the brain works can help us enhance our mental and physical well-being, refine our perceptions, and create environments that foster better cognitive and emotional health. Since brains are wired through experience, we can take active steps to shape them in positive ways.
Final Thoughts: Rethinking What We Know About the Brain
Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain offers a fascinating look at the latest neuroscience research, challenging many of the assumptions we take for granted about thinking, perception, and intelligence. Barrett’s insights reveal that our brains are prediction engines, deeply social, and constantly shaped by experience.
Rather than seeing the brain as a fixed, isolated organ that processes information, she encourages us to view it as an adaptive, interconnected system—one that is constantly learning, changing, and being shaped by the world around it.
What was the most surprising insight from these lessons for you? Let’s discuss in the comments!
by 45057pwpadmin | Jan 6, 2025 | Uncategorized
Punishments have long been a go-to strategy for managing challenging behaviours, but have you ever noticed they often fail to create lasting change? That’s because punishment focuses on controlling behaviour without addressing its underlying causes. Instead, a neurodiversity-affirming, collaborative approach can foster understanding, trust, and genuine growth.
The Problem with Punishments
Punishment operates on a simple premise: negative consequences deter unwanted behaviours. While this might yield short-term compliance, it often overlooks the emotional and neurological needs that drive those behaviours.
Here’s why punishment falls short:
- Suppresses, Doesn’t Solve: Punishment may stop a behaviour temporarily, but it doesn’t address the reasons behind it, leading to recurring issues.
- Damages Trust: It can create fear, resentment, and a breakdown of relationships.
- Harms Self-Worth: Children and adults may internalise feelings of shame, believing they are “bad” rather than their behaviour needing adjustment.
- Ignores Context: Many behaviours are responses to unmet needs, sensory overload, or emotional struggles.
What Works Instead?
A neurodiversity-affirming approach that prioritises understanding, collaboration, and accommodation can make all the difference.
1. Address the “Why” Behind the Behaviour
Behaviour is communication. Whether it’s a child showing distress behaviours or an adult shutting down, there’s always a reason. Sensory sensitivities, anxiety, or unmet needs often play a role. By identifying these triggers, you can respond with empathy and solutions rather than punishment.
2. Build Relationships Over Rules
Trust and connection are foundational. When individuals feel safe and understood, they’re more likely to engage in cooperative behaviours. Spend time listening and validating feelings to strengthen relationships.
3. Collaborate on Solutions
Instead of imposing consequences, involve the individual in creating strategies to navigate challenges. This empowers them to take ownership of their actions and builds problem-solving skills.
4. Create Supportive Environments
Adjust environments to reduce triggers. For example, a quiet sensory-friendly space can help a child who struggles with noise, while clear schedules and expectations can reduce anxiety for someone overwhelmed by uncertainty.
5. Use Declarative Language
Statements like, “I see you’re feeling upset—what can we do to make this easier?” invite collaboration and reduce defensiveness.
Why This Works
This approach shifts the focus from “fixing” behaviour to nurturing growth. It recognises that everyone has unique needs and that addressing those needs fosters trust, emotional regulation, and self-worth.
Takeaway
Punishment might seem practical in the moment, but its long-term consequences can be damaging. By replacing punitive measures with neurodiversity-affirming strategies, we empower individuals to thrive while maintaining healthy relationships and preserving their self-esteem.
Are you ready to rethink how we approach challenging behaviours? Embrace the power of understanding and collaboration today.
by 45057pwpadmin | Jan 3, 2025 | Uncategorized
Friendships can be beautiful learning opportunities for kids, especially when they involve differences like neurodivergence. However, not all friendships last forever, and sometimes circumstances make it necessary to guide your neurotypical child in gently stepping back from a friendship. If your child’s friend is neurodivergent and displays externalising behaviours, this process can feel delicate and fraught with emotion, especially when we consider factors like rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), hyperfocus, and the challenges of double empathy.
Here’s how you can approach this situation with care, empathy, and understanding for both children involved.
Step 1: Reflect on the Reasons Behind the Shift
Before addressing the situation with your child, take a moment to reflect on why they feel the need to step away from the friendship. Are the dynamics becoming overwhelming for your child? Are externalising behaviours creating a safety concern? Or is it simply a matter of growing apart? Understanding the root of the issue will help you frame your guidance more effectively and ensure you’re prioritising kindness.
Step 2: Educate Your Child About Neurodiversity
Explain that their friend’s behaviours may be shaped by how their brain works. Concepts like rejection sensitive dysphoria mean that even small rejections may feel devastating to their friend, while hyperfocus could make the friendship feel particularly intense for the neurodivergent child. By understanding these dynamics, your child can approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration.
For example, you might say:“You know how some people feel things really deeply? Your friend might be one of those people. It’s not wrong; it’s just how their brain works. So we need to be extra kind when talking to them about changes.”
Step 3: Reframe the Friendship as Changing, Not Ending
Rather than framing the transition as a “breakup,” help your child see it as a shift. Friendships often evolve, and teaching your child to communicate this respectfully can reduce the emotional impact on both sides.
Encourage your child to say things like:“I’ve really loved spending time with you, but I need to spend more time focusing on [school, sports, other friendships]. We can still hang out sometimes, but it might not be as much as before.”
Step 4: Offer Alternative Supports
If your child’s friend struggles with rejection or hyperfocus, their immediate response may be intense. Prepare your child for this possibility and discuss how they can respond kindly without taking on responsibility for the other child’s feelings.
Step 5: Build Emotional Resilience in Your Own Child
Your child may feel guilt or confusion about stepping back. Reassure them that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize their own needs. You can use this as an opportunity to teach healthy relationship skills, like communicating honestly, balancing empathy with self-care, and respecting differences.
Step 6: Reflect on Double Empathy
The concept of double empathy highlights that neurotypical and neurodivergent people often struggle to fully understand each other’s perspectives. Use this moment to teach your child about differences in communication and emotional processing, fostering long-term respect and inclusion.
For instance:“Your friend might not understand why things are changing, but it’s not because they don’t care—it’s just harder for them to see things from your perspective, just like it might be hard for you to see things from theirs.”
Step 7: Stay Involved
Encourage your child to maintain some connection if possible, even if the intensity of the friendship changes. This might involve occasional playdates or simply a kind hello at school. A little effort can go a long way in softening the transition.
Supporting your child in transitioning out of a friendship with a neurodivergent peer requires thoughtfulness and compassion. By educating your child about neurodiversity, reframing the friendship as evolving rather than ending, and fostering kindness throughout the process, you can ensure both children feel respected and valued.
Remember, this is a learning opportunity for everyone involved, and by guiding your child through it with care, you’re helping them develop the skills to navigate diverse relationships throughout their life.
by 45057pwpadmin | Oct 21, 2024 | Uncategorized
Parenting is never a walk in the park, but when your child has a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile, the journey can feel like climbing a mountain—steep, unrelenting, and often with no clear path. PDA, a behaviour profile within the autism spectrum, is characterised by an intense need to resist and avoid everyday demands and expectations. As a parent of a child with PDA, you may feel like you’re constantly navigating a tightrope, trying to balance empathy with boundary-setting, while managing your own emotional landscape.
The Early Signs
The early years of parenting a child with PDA can be filled with confusion. Many parents begin to notice that their child doesn’t respond to traditional parenting strategies. You might see intense meltdowns, an unusual level of defiance, or anxiety over things that seem mundane to other children. At first, you might think, “Maybe they’re just strong-willed or highly sensitive.” But as time goes on, it becomes clear that your child isn’t just being difficult. There’s something more complex at play.
For many parents, the diagnosis of PDA brings a mixture of relief and fear. On one hand, you finally have an explanation for why parenting your child has felt so incredibly challenging. On the other hand, the stigma attached to PDA can feel overwhelming. It’s hard not to wonder, “Will people ever understand my child?”
The Daily Battles
One of the most complex parts of parenting a child with PDA is that everything can feel like a battle. From brushing teeth to getting dressed or going to school, every request you make can trigger a strong reaction. Children with PDA don’t resist demands because they want to be difficult—they do it because their brain perceives those demands as a threat. This creates a deeply ingrained need to maintain control and avoid compliance.
The typical “parenting toolbox” doesn’t work with PDA. Consequences, rewards, and discipline often backfire, leading to more resistance and anxiety. Instead, parents must learn how to collaborate and offer choices in a way that feels safe for their child. This may involve adopting a flexible approach to routines and finding creative ways to frame requests, so they don’t feel like demands.
Emotional Exhaustion
The emotional toll of parenting a child with PDA is immense. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, afraid to trigger a meltdown. Additionally, the unpredictability can be exhausting—one day, a specific routine works, but the next day, it doesn’t. There are times when it feels like no matter what you do, it’s wrong.
Parents of PDA children often feel isolated. Other parents might not understand why you can’t just use traditional parenting techniques, and their well-meaning advice can sometimes feel like judgment. It’s hard to explain that your child isn’t “naughty” or “disobedient”—they perceive the world differently.
The Judgment from Others
Society often expects parents to mould their children into well-behaved, compliant individuals, and PDA flies in the face of those expectations. People may look at your child’s behaviour and assume you’re too lenient or not enforcing enough rules. This judgment can be hurtful and draining, especially when you’re already struggling to hold everything together.
This misunderstanding can extend to the educational system. Many schools are not equipped to handle the unique challenges of a child with PDA. Teachers may interpret your child’s resistance as defiance, which can lead to a spiral of negative interactions. As a parent, you may find yourself advocating for your child, constantly explaining their needs, requesting accommodations, and fighting for their right to be understood and included.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Parenting a child with PDA can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster. There are moments of incredible connection and joy when your child feels safe and regulated, followed by sudden outbursts or shutdowns when they become overwhelmed. The highs and lows can leave you feeling emotionally raw, questioning your abilities and wondering if you’re doing enough.
Your own emotions as a parent can become entangled in the process. It’s easy to feel guilty for not being able to “fix” things or to blame yourself for your child’s struggles. You may also struggle with feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness over the loss of the parenting experience you had envisioned.
Finding Strength and Resilience
Despite the challenges, parenting a child with PDA also brings out incredible strength and resilience. You learn to be more patient, more creative, and more compassionate—not just toward your child, but also toward yourself. You develop an understanding of neurodiversity that shifts the way you see the world, and you start to value different kinds of growth.
You might also find community with other parents of PDA children, who truly understand the ups and downs of your journey. These connections can provide a lifeline of support, reminding you that you’re not alone in the trenches.
The Path Forward
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for parenting a child with PDA, but there are ways to make the journey more manageable. Understanding and acceptance of your child’s unique needs is the first step. Educating yourself about PDA, seeking support from professionals who understand neurodiversity, and advocating for your child in school and social settings can make a world of difference.
It’s also essential to care for yourself. Parenting a child with PDA can feel all-consuming, but you need space to recharge. Finding moments for self-care, even if they’re brief, can help you stay grounded and maintain your emotional health.
Parenting a child with PDA is undeniably challenging, filled with trials, tribulations, and moments of heartache. But it’s also a journey of immense growth and transformation. With patience, understanding, and support, both you and your child can thrive, building a relationship based on trust, respect, and unconditional love.